15 | May | 14

Richard Johnson

Burger Off?

Meet the Nigella Lawson of football catering. This is Burger Al — the Domestic God of Stadium Approach Road — and he’s the co-star of Warren United, ITV4’s new animated football sitcom. In his greasy apron, and sweat-stained shirt, he’s everything we hate about the burger van business. But he’s well meaning, and has just launched a recipe book of football favourites such as Hot Dogs, Chip Butties and Cornish Pasties. He’s no disciple of Heston, and has his reservations about catering for vegetarian fans. Although his recipe collection does include a “Wimp’s Version” of Spinach and Feta Cheese Parcels, of the kind now offered at more select football catering facilities, Al declines to offer his own “traditional” version, commenting wryly: “Are you taking the p*ss, mate?”

Play Nigella vs Burger Al Spot The Difference


As seen on TV: The Taste (Ch. 4)
Signature dish: Old-fashioned chocolate cake
Signature ingredient: Chocolate, sugar, butter, double-cream, soaked sultanas, red wine vinegar
Culinary philosophy: Oh the pleasure of trailing nutmeggy fumes
Most likely to say: “Feel those voluptuous depths of eggnog-scented cream.”
Court cases: Only when the staff overspend
Appearance: All-woman, hour-glass figure

Burger Al

As seen on TV: Warren United (ITV4)
Signature dish: Burger and chips
Signature ingredient: Salt; Grease; Eastern European horse meat
Culinary philosophy: This should fill a burger-shaped hole, mate
Most likely to say: “Do you want onions with that?”
Court cases: Only when Health and Safety get shirty
Appearance: Jelly belly

Warren United is on Tuesdays, ITV4, at 10pm